How to Find Your True Self (And Why There May Not Be Just One)
by Char
|
Feb 5, 2026
|
Archetypes
Series
Archetypes
Series
If you’ve ever typed how to find your true self into Google, let me start by saying this: nothing is wrong with you.
That search usually comes from a very specific feeling: a mix of confusion, pressure, and quiet self-doubt. The sense that you should know who you are by now. That somewhere along the way, everyone else received a clear memo about their identity, their path, their purpose… and you somehow missed it.
We live in a world that loves clarity. Labels. Straight lines. Simple stories.
And when your inner world doesn’t fit into one neat box, it’s easy to assume you’re lost.
But what if the problem isn’t that you haven’t found your true self?
What if the problem is the idea that there’s only one to find?
Why We Feel So Much Pressure to “Find Ourselves”
From a very young age, we’re trained to explain ourselves.
Who are you? What do you do? What’s your plan? What’s your purpose?
People want clean answers. Short answers. Preferably ones that don’t change too much over time.
And for women, that pressure is heavier.
We’re expected to be understandable. Predictable. Easy to read. Easy to follow.
If you change your mind, you’re flaky. If you evolve, you’re “going through something.” If you pivot your career, you’re unstable. If you have multiple passions, you’re unfocused.
This constant push to find yourself doesn’t come from a deep respect for human complexity. It comes from a society that’s deeply uncomfortable with it, and especially when it shows up in women.
So we internalize that fear.
We start thinking that our contradictions are flaws. That our shifts mean we’re failing. That not fitting neatly into one identity is a problem to solve rather than a reality to accept.
From a very young age, we’re trained to explain ourselves.
Who are you? What do you do? What’s your plan? What’s your purpose?
People want clean answers. Short answers. Preferably ones that don’t change too much over time.
And for women, that pressure is heavier.
We’re expected to be understandable. Predictable. Easy to read. Easy to follow.
If you change your mind, you’re flaky. If you evolve, you’re “going through something.” If you pivot your career, you’re unstable. If you have multiple passions, you’re unfocused.
This constant push to find yourself doesn’t come from a deep respect for human complexity. It comes from a society that’s deeply uncomfortable with it, and especially when it shows up in women.
So we internalize that fear.
We start thinking that our contradictions are flaws. That our shifts mean we’re failing. That not fitting neatly into one identity is a problem to solve rather than a reality to accept.
The Myth of the One True Self
At the heart of this pressure sits a powerful myth: the idea that there is one true version of you.
One fixed identity. One correct path. One authentic self waiting to be discovered… like a hidden treasure at the end of a long personal development journey.
It’s a comforting idea. If there’s one true self, then clarity means arriving. Choosing once. Settling.
But real life doesn’t work that way, does it?
Your desires change because you change. Your values evolve because your experiences deepen. Your interests shift because you learn, grow, and encounter new parts of the world… and yourself.
The idea of a single, stable self ignores something fundamental about being human: we are shaped by time.
Who you were at 18 made sense at 18. Who you were at 25 made sense at 25. Who you are now makes sense now.
None of those versions were fake. None of them were mistakes. They were contextually true.
At the heart of this pressure sits a powerful myth: the idea that there is one true version of you.
One fixed identity. One correct path. One authentic self waiting to be discovered… like a hidden treasure at the end of a long personal development journey.
It’s a comforting idea. If there’s one true self, then clarity means arriving. Choosing once. Settling.
But real life doesn’t work that way, does it?
Your desires change because you change. Your values evolve because your experiences deepen. Your interests shift because you learn, grow, and encounter new parts of the world… and yourself.
The idea of a single, stable self ignores something fundamental about being human: we are shaped by time.
Who you were at 18 made sense at 18. Who you were at 25 made sense at 25. Who you are now makes sense now.
None of those versions were fake. None of them were mistakes. They were contextually true.
If You’re Constantly Redefining Yourself, You’re Not Confused
For a long time, I thought I had to decide once and for all.
Am I an entrepreneur or a creative? A traveler or someone who wants stability? A student or a teacher? Soft or strong?
Every choice felt like a rejection of something else. But the more I lived, the more I kept contradicting myself. And it took me years to realize this wasn’t a sign that I was lost.
It was a sign that I was growing.
The real problem isn’t confusion. The real problem is that we’ve been taught that clarity looks like sameness.
That once you “figure yourself out,” you’re supposed to stay consistent forever.
But clarity can look like change. It can look like renewal. It can look like trying things, choosing again, and allowing yourself to outgrow versions of you that once made perfect sense.
There is nothing wrong with being someone new every few years. There is nothing wrong with surprising yourself. And there is nothing wrong with becoming your opposite.
For a long time, I thought I had to decide once and for all.
Am I an entrepreneur or a creative? A traveler or someone who wants stability? A student or a teacher? Soft or strong?
Every choice felt like a rejection of something else. But the more I lived, the more I kept contradicting myself. And it took me years to realize this wasn’t a sign that I was lost.
It was a sign that I was growing.
The real problem isn’t confusion. The real problem is that we’ve been taught that clarity looks like sameness.
That once you “figure yourself out,” you’re supposed to stay consistent forever.
But clarity can look like change. It can look like renewal. It can look like trying things, choosing again, and allowing yourself to outgrow versions of you that once made perfect sense.
There is nothing wrong with being someone new every few years. There is nothing wrong with surprising yourself. And there is nothing wrong with becoming your opposite.
The Life of a Multifaceted Woman
My life has never been linear.
I’ve traveled extensively, lived in different countries, built a startup, worked in strategy consulting, learned entirely new skills from scratch, and become a beginner again… and again… and again.
Today, I’m creating content, learning YouTube, building a blog, and doing things that past versions of me would never have predicted.
For a long time, I felt guilty about this.
I thought I was supposed to pick a lane. Choose a career. Stick to it. Become someone with authority in one specific field.
Someone consistent.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Consistency is nothing more than being true to yourself. And being true to yourself often requires change.
Sometimes it requires starting again. Starting small. Starting scared.
I am:
an entrepreneur and a creative
a traveler and someone who loves stable routines
a forever beginner and someone who teaches what she learns
playful and serious
soft and fierce
disciplined and chaotic
These contradictions don’t cancel each other out.
They coexist.
My life has never been linear.
I’ve traveled extensively, lived in different countries, built a startup, worked in strategy consulting, learned entirely new skills from scratch, and become a beginner again… and again… and again.
Today, I’m creating content, learning YouTube, building a blog, and doing things that past versions of me would never have predicted.
For a long time, I felt guilty about this.
I thought I was supposed to pick a lane. Choose a career. Stick to it. Become someone with authority in one specific field.
Someone consistent.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Consistency is nothing more than being true to yourself. And being true to yourself often requires change.
Sometimes it requires starting again. Starting small. Starting scared.
I am:
an entrepreneur and a creative
a traveler and someone who loves stable routines
a forever beginner and someone who teaches what she learns
playful and serious
soft and fierce
disciplined and chaotic
These contradictions don’t cancel each other out.
They coexist.
Exercise: Write Down Your Contradictions
If you’re trying to figure out how to find your true self, this might feel counterintuitive, but stay with me.
Grab a piece of paper, your journal, or your phone.
Write down sentences that start with:
I am ___ and ___
I love ___ but I also love ___
I hide this part of myself because ___
If I stopped trying to be understandable, I would ___
Don’t try to fix anything. Don’t try to choose.
Just notice how many parts of you already coexist.
Often, what hurts isn’t the contradiction itself. It’s the effort we put into hiding it.
If you’re trying to figure out how to find your true self, this might feel counterintuitive, but stay with me.
Grab a piece of paper, your journal, or your phone.
Write down sentences that start with:
I am ___ and ___
I love ___ but I also love ___
I hide this part of myself because ___
If I stopped trying to be understandable, I would ___
Don’t try to fix anything. Don’t try to choose.
Just notice how many parts of you already coexist.
Often, what hurts isn’t the contradiction itself. It’s the effort we put into hiding it.
Why Society Benefits When Women Choose One Identity
A woman who is many things is harder to control.
She doesn’t fit into predictable boxes. She doesn’t limit herself. She doesn’t shrink.
Systems built on efficiency, hierarchy, and clear roles don’t benefit from women who evolve freely.
Because once you realize you can reinvent yourself, that you don’t have to stay who you were at 18, 25, or 35, and that you don’t need permission to change direction… You become harder to contain.
And that can feel scary.
A woman who is many things is harder to control.
She doesn’t fit into predictable boxes. She doesn’t limit herself. She doesn’t shrink.
Systems built on efficiency, hierarchy, and clear roles don’t benefit from women who evolve freely.
Because once you realize you can reinvent yourself, that you don’t have to stay who you were at 18, 25, or 35, and that you don’t need permission to change direction… You become harder to contain.
And that can feel scary.
You’re Allowed to Outgrow Past Versions of Yourself
There’s a specific kind of guilt that comes with evolution.
When you change, you’re not just leaving behind habits or routines. You’re leaving behind identities.
People who knew you as one thing may not recognize the next chapter. And sometimes it feels like you’re betraying your own story.
So let this land:
You’re allowed to outgrow versions of yourself that brought you success.
You’re allowed to evolve beyond chapters that once felt perfect.
You’re allowed to become someone new without having a “good reason.”
Growth doesn’t require justification.
What it does require is honesty — and that’s already hard enough.
There’s a specific kind of guilt that comes with evolution.
When you change, you’re not just leaving behind habits or routines. You’re leaving behind identities.
People who knew you as one thing may not recognize the next chapter. And sometimes it feels like you’re betraying your own story.
So let this land:
You’re allowed to outgrow versions of yourself that brought you success.
You’re allowed to evolve beyond chapters that once felt perfect.
You’re allowed to become someone new without having a “good reason.”
Growth doesn’t require justification.
What it does require is honesty — and that’s already hard enough.
A Healthier Way to Think About “Finding Yourself”
So if you’re still wondering how to find your true self, here’s a gentler reframe.
You don’t need to find yourself.
✨ You get to build yourself.
✍️ You get to rewrite yourself.
🧩 You get to curate, reshape, and reinvent yourself, again and again.
There is no final version of you.
There is only the next version. The one you’re becoming right now. And the one after that.
You are allowed to be everything… even your opposite.
So if you’re still wondering how to find your true self, here’s a gentler reframe.
You don’t need to find yourself.
✨ You get to build yourself.
✍️ You get to rewrite yourself.
🧩 You get to curate, reshape, and reinvent yourself, again and again.
There is no final version of you.
There is only the next version. The one you’re becoming right now. And the one after that.
You are allowed to be everything… even your opposite.
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This is just the start!
Be part of The Bold Beginner community
Be a part of the early days. I’ll share occasional reflections, behind-the-scenes thoughts, and what I’m building… straight to your inbox, as it grows.
By Registering you agree to the
privacy policy.